To DARIUS POH, yes you my dimpleboy♥ : This is the last piece of thing Im gona write about you, and this will be a better one. Because I have to promise myself I'll never write about you ever again. This is my final goodbye, because I have said goodbye to you many times. Maybe I just can't let you go, maybe you just keep coming back in my head, in my thoughts. You're all over me, all over the place but nowhere to be found. I see you in all things which I hate that..I want you to know that life is hard, everyday can be a challenge. It can be a challenge to get up in the morning, to put on that smile. But I want you to know that, smile is what keeps me going some days. I dont wanne figure out if I still love you or not because if Im going to be honest with myself, I know I still love you, I still do.. I wish I never promised to love you forever, because Im fulfilling that promise until now. im still here, crying about you, loving you, feeling you, remembering you. It's been 3months to 4months, I know im supposed to move on, im supposed to hate you, im supposed to put aside your necklace, im supposed to forget everything about us. But the more I try to forget you, the more you remain permanent in my heart. Fuck you for doing that to me, fuck you for being so nice, fuck you for not coming the way I always wanted you to come back, fuck you because you never came back even if I begged you and fuck you more because you dont wanne tell me what you're thinking at all times... Dont get me wrong, you've made me very happy just by sharing yourself and life with me. The memories will stay in my heart forever. It's already 2012, I hope you'll go away in my thoughts. I hope my mind wont itch about you or anything else. You know im not trying because at this point I just cant force myself to forget you. I just cant. You're still here, buried in my heart. I know it's difficult to let this r/s go, we have been through so much together although its only 4months+, but it hurts just recalling a tiny fraction of the time we spend as a couple. But I also know it will only hurt more if we let this r/s drift. The same inevitable parting will confront us then making it even harder for us to recover and find that elusive happiness and peace of mind. Let that be the memories that will stay with us as we go our separate ways. Continuing on will only leave us with more bitter recollections that will overwhelm the happier shades that we once shared. That's simple because true happy moments will never be possible from now on when the magical feeling has long gone. Instead, it's making us strangers, not lovers, in our own home. I strongly believe that a person as special as you deserves someone much better, someone who can love and cherish you the way a lover should rather than depending on crumbs from a dying feeling which is better left buried. Maybe someday I'll be more mature and better prepared for whatever comes my way. No one is to blame, not me nor you. I am hurting and I've to heal my wounds alone, I cannot do this with you in my life because every time you leave me, the pain comes along again. I will miss you very much, but im not as tough as I thought i would be. I try so hard to be strong to think that it would hurt me this much but nah, so I have to let you go now. I dont want to do this but i must. Call it false bravado of me. I know i'll be hurting myself more by saying goodbye to you now but im unable to continue as if things havent change. I need closure to move on and I realize I've to move on. I cannot hold on to something I dont believe in anymore. It would have been really nice to grow old with you, to laugh with you while reminiscing, to share with you my whole life and I would share with you yours, but I guess now is not the right time for us, or maybe we're just not meant to be, now or forever, I really don't know. You deserve someone who will fully understand your needs and your personality, I guess I deserv someone who will love me like you have done. Its painful to say goodbye but its even more painful to stay. Please udnerstand that I've to do this somehow, because no one can update me about you. I dont know what your thinking.. I love you alot, i dont want to leave just yet, but if i dont do it now, i know i'll never be strong enough to ever do it at all. Thank you for always being there for me when I needed you the most. Thank you for everything, just everything. Therefore, this r/s is over. Harsh it may seem but I also want both of us to be happy. If I cant feel it in my heart, neither can I give you what you rightly deserve. That being the case, let us go and seek our own rainbows, which im sure will appear when the time is right.

Takecare boy, be good alrights. Dont drink so much already, really very bad. Be good to your mummy and sister too, they care for you alot. Imissyou, Iloveyou. Once again, goodbye (':

Hello boy, how are you nowadays? I couldn't get any information about you, sigh.. I hope your feeling better by now? Yes, I admit I still can't get over you. I wanne let you know that, because of you, I did tried my very best to move on and be happy. But, there's something thats missing in me, which is you.. I rather have you to be my friend, than not having you in my life at all. It's so weird.. Sometimes, I just need some heart to heart talk, just one night, one night will do. At least let us have some chat? At least let both of us know that we're both fine? Can we? It's ogays that we can't get together, it's ogays.. I wish nothing but the best for you. I miss you alot, I wanne text you so badly, but how? I don't know what you'll say.. You'll find me annoying I guess? Sigh.. I admit that I wanted to break our promises, just to see if you still care. I know its foolish but I really wanne know so badly, boy. You deleted me in fb, its like you've deleted me in your heart. What about my stuff? Are you that cruel? I doubt so right, do you miss me? Can you just let me know, for once?

Its been how long since I last came into my blog, but I've not forgotten about anything. School was kinda bored, didnt really make friends with my classmates. Just too many malay.. Ohya, im sick exactly on 12am of cny like seriously. I vomited.. After that I had midnight movie with my family, but I went in and out of the theatre to vomit, and slept through the movie. How awful can it be ): Diarrhea, headache, nausea, vomit = stomach flu? Til now, im still sick and i've not been eating for continuous 5 days. I guess I had stomach flu, didnt went to see the doctor. Let it be..

Boy, everytime I see your wall, I don't know where did you heard those stories from or what you've assumed. Why do you always believe one side story.. Even last time, everyone in upetgamart heard stories from sebastian and all starts to believe him while I hid in a corner.. Let me tell you, until you realized that everything wasn't true, im already gone

No, you dont love me anymore.. We're meant to be passerby.. I miss you..

Boy, can you tell me what do you want..? Sigh.. When I saw your post, I was really shocked, scared and sad.. I dare not text you, afraid you'll not care about my message, but in the end I did. I really wish im right beside you at that moment, being there when your in trouble.. All my wishful thinking, I cant avoid. Your the one that didnt keep your promise. Dont tell me its an accident. If you've taken good care of yourself, you wont drink and ride on the road already. You know its dangerous, you know your family will be very upset, but you wont know how I'll feel... Did you see a silly girl breaking down even though i dont know what happen, even though the silence between us is daunting? You wont know.. Please take good care of yourself, if you don't care how I feel, just care about your friends and family feeling ba. I know my words wont help in anything, but I tried my best to care for you. I tried to text you although I know you wouldn't like it.. I tried.. I really very scared to lose you, seriously.. I really don't know what to do anymore, really.. I wanne see you, I wanne hug you tight again..

Im going mad staying in this school and class )': Save meeeeeeee. PRAY HARD TMR APPEAL SUCCESS! I cant imagine my future, being a girl repairing computer etc. Ohgod, save me seriously ): I've been a mute since the school starts. Except for the second day, I didnt go school. Everyone in my class is in groups or pairs or whatsoever, and me being the loner. Everyone starts whispering and stuff. I don't feel like talking or making friends, only malay girls talked to me abit. What kind of school is this, having break like in every lesson? And I dont even wanne go canteen to eat. Its a waste of time for me. Im adviced to go study parttime private o in ite, but i couldn't find. It's either i take private o or stay in this course for 2 years and proceed to poly straight! I need good results. I need cca. I need good attendance. Sigh.. Why no one suckpork me?! die where liao ):

Anyway, whenever I see your fb, it's like I've done something bad? But what have I done? Im not guilty conscious. But can you at least tell me? ): Sigh... I dont care who that sarah is to you, but well~ i dont wish to guess, assume, or anything. I keep quiet, I dont want anything happen.. My biggest regret is that I didnt give you a good enough reason to stay, that you happened to run away.. Sigh.. Iloveyou Imissyou boy.. Do you? Or have you found a better girl?

First day of school sucks like hell. People do stare, but I didn't think im pretty or ugly or fat whateva shit thats why they did that -.- I didnt care much. Today too many break, 3 breaks 3hours alone. Urghs~ Good thing is, my class has no ahbeng but many people with problems instead. Have been staring at my phone and message all my friends to make my time pass quickly. Actually nothing much today, cause I went off after the game. It's sucha waste of time, tomorrow too.. I know there's a guy that posted on my wall, he's ex-springfieder too but I don't know him! Today he saw me in school and suddenly called my name, I didn't care like seriously -.- I didnt went back school to get my olevel mt results as its already very late le ): But looking at my friend's result for it, they didnt really score well. Im so afraid of mine too ): At least I know I tried my best can le! I really hope my appeal will be success, I really pray hard.. Jiayou Jessilyn!

Yes im over-sensitive, damn I know. When I saw your facebook, with those post and comments, I get so afraid.. Im afraid that one day you'll think im not worth it anymore.. Im afraid about alot of things.. Seriously, who can tell me, how can I prove to you that even though I go ITE, my love for you will stay and im willing to wait faithfully. Im serious.. No one will believe me, but I'll prove me actions. Just watch. But I'll wait silently. Who says I've to know every guy in ITE so that I've got a better life there? Who says so? Why can't I be alone, and do well on my studies? If one day you started to move on, or halfway there, do let me know. No matter how much it hurts, just let me know (: I admit, I feel really hurt whenever there's girl post on your wall or you post on their wall. I would breakdown, and everytime it hurts so badly. And I always think I'll never be the reason that able to make you smile and laugh so effortlessly, that hurts more deeply I swear. It's alrights, I tell myself that everything's alright (: I would always want best for my silly boy, his studying now. I shouldn't give him more stress. No more. I don't wish to see him sad, I know he wants me to move on, I tried more than he imagined. I wont let anyone into my life and heart anymore, knowing that I'll never be good enough and doesn't want people to suffer. So silly boy, don't worry about me (: Focus more on your studies now ogays, jiayou! Yes, I always wished that you'll asked me go up to your house one day, to chat, to study, to play. Any reasons. But well, I understand. Know what? There's one time I really wanne go your school outside to fetch you as a surprise, but I guess you wouldn't wanne see me there >< Ohya, know what? I don't even have to go to school on the friday! Its elearning day, thats why dont have to go as they dont take attendance the. Its just using the computer the whole day doing your own things, rather stay home. Jiayou dimpleboy! Must smile more arh, but don't anyhow show your dimple! Later everyone fall in love with you :x Imissyouboy, Ido..